8 Simple Ways To Deal With Uncertainty As A Perfectionist
So you’ve clicked on this article because you want to be the best version of yourself in times of uncertainty. You’ve come to the right place because I have some amazing tips to share with you based on things I have learnt in my life backed by psychological research.
Change is a certainty in life.
Nothing in life stays the same. To live a healthy and content life you will need to learn how to navigate change and uncertainty. If you expect life to stay the same, then you will always be fighting a losing battle and it will start to negatively affect how you view the world.
I want to be clear: change and uncertainty are unavoidable parts of life
As I type this right now, my workplace is currently facing a period of intense restructuring which has resulted in many people being faced with potential redundancies. Myself included.
Uncertainty is the topic of every conversation in every meeting I attend and I’ve seen how different people are managing dealing with this situation. It is on a spectrum, from intense worry and sadness to humour to apathy to acceptance. There is a weird atmosphere in the air and it appears to be getting darker and heavier as the period of uncertainty continues.
Despite the chaos around me, I am feeling very secure in myself and confident that I will be fine regardless of the outcome. This calmness can be accredited to certain beliefs, thoughts and behaviours I have implemented into my life over the last few years.
But let’s start from the beginning
What is uncertainty?
According to the Cambridge Dictionary, uncertainty is ‘a situation in which something is not known, or something that is not known or certain’ and ‘the feeling of not being sure what will happen in the future’.
In times of uncertainty you might feel:
- Unsafe
- Insecure
- Scared
- Frustrated
- Angry
- Powerless
- Angst
Maybe you can’t label your feelings at the moment but you feel a heaviness in your chest or butterflies in your stomach.
You might be plagued with thoughts of ‘what if’. You might be lying in bed at night thinking of different scenarios and trying to predict the future in an attempt to ease your anxiety.
Maybe you’re catastrophizing, jumping to the absolute worst-case conclusion and behaving as if you are in imminent danger. That’s not healthy.
What things in life can make someone feel uncertain?
- Changes in work: redundancy, promotions, restructuring, new job
- Relationships: dating phase, commitment, marriage, breakups, conflict
- Life goals/direction: career change, life milestones
- Health: illness, diets, fitness routines
- Global pandemic: lockdown, restrictions
- Economy: austerity, inflation
- Debt: mortgages, credit card debt, student loans
- Politics: referendums, change of government, instability
We crave certainty and security because it makes us feel safe. It is predictable. It gives us the comfort of thinking that we can map out our whole life.
Tips on becoming your best self during uncertainty
1 Regulate your emotions
Uncertainty can wreck your emotional well-being by making you more sensitive and emotionally volatile. Emotions such as anger, frustration and resentment are easy emotions to come up when there is a period of change and uncertainty. Many people don’t know how to healthily deal with these emotions so they might lash out at family, friends and colleagues or even shut down emotionally because it is too overwhelming. None of these behaviours are okay and will prevent you from thriving during uncertainty.
I like to think of anger as the emotional bodyguard. It’s the loudest and most aggressive emotion that jumps up at the first sign of danger. It doesn’t care who it hurts in the process (yourself or others) because its one job is to protect your more sensitive emotions such as fear, sadness, loneliness and shame.
To be your best self, you need to control your emotions (especially anger) by practising emotional regulation. The best version of you is not going to lash out and make other people feel uncomfortable. No, the best version will stay calm, and collected and will give off an aura of security despite the challenges.
You will need to build a habit of:
- Checking in with yourself every day. Take a moment to identify the sensations stored in your body. Feelings are stored in the body, not the mind. Taking the time to actually feel your emotions in your body is the first step in learning how to regulate them and prevent you from avoiding them.
- Labelling your emotions. Once you have identified the sensations in your body you will then need to name the emotion. This is a lot harder than it looks especially if this is something you don’t do often. Decide if you are feeling anger, sadness, confusion, resentment or something else. You can use this emotion wheel to help you label your feelings.
- Investigating the root causes of your emotions. Think about the why. Ask yourself: What specifically about this situation is causing me to feel this way? What meaning am I giving to this situation? What story am I telling myself? Is this period of uncertainty triggering a negative/limiting core belief?
- Find a coping strategy that works best for you. Try breathing exercises like counting backwards from 10 or going for a walk. When I am feeling emotional I like to do something creative to express myself. For example, writing poetry helps me to put my feelings into words and create a narrative. If I’m feeling especially powerful emotions then writing poetry doesn’t cut it, I need to do something with my hands like drawing, painting or creating a collage. It’s messy but boy is it a healing experience!
- Identify positive emotions that you might also be feeling. Yes, uncertainty can bring about a lot of negative feelings but nestled in between them you might find snippets of positive feelings such as relief, excitement and hopefulness. We tend to have a bias towards negative emotions so you must spend some time trying to balance it out with positive.
2 Be present
Being present means focusing on the here and now and not thinking about the future or dwelling on the past. Mindfulness, meditation and yoga are really useful practices that can help you become more aware of your present moment. The NHS Every Mind Matters website has helpful guided body scans and breathwork videos that can help you start your journey.
You could try the 5-4-3-2-1 senses grounding technique. This involves identifying:
- 5 things you can see – When you pick an item, spend some time focusing on the details of the object
- 4 things you can feel – what does the ground feel like under your feet? Can you feel your clothes on your body? Touch the furniture around you. Focus on texture and sensation
- 3 things you can hear – listen to the sounds happening around you. Can you hear cars outside? Ongoing conversations? The tv? The fan? Can you hear a clock ticking?
- 2 things you can smell – can you smell food? Flowers? Air fresheners? You can even light a candle or spray some perfume.
- 1 thing you can taste – can you still taste the last thing you ate or drank? Have some gum or a mint.
3 Postpone your worries
Worrying gives you an illusion of control. You might believe that thinking about all the possible outcomes of an uncertain situation is helping you in the long run. However, you are mistaken. It makes things 10 times worse because it drains your energy, casts a negative cloud over your mind and stops you from living in the present.
You will also drag everyone down with you. No one wants to spend an extended period of time with someone who worries about everything. It is depressing.
Or worse, it can also be infectious.
2 or more people worrying about an uncertain situation is just a recipe for disaster.
Attempting to banish your worries to the shadow realm is easier said than done.
So maybe you don’t need to banish it completely from your life because at the end of the day, you are not a superhero but you should at least give your worries a designated time when it can run free.
Schedule 5 minutes in your day where you can write down all of your worries and get it all off of your chest. Put a timer on and when the bell rings move the hell on!
DO NOT LET YOUR WORRY EXCEED ITS WELCOME.
If you are struggling with limiting your worries, write down a list of the things that worrying is costing you. For example:
- Peace of mind
- Acceptance of uncertainty
- The ability to be resilient
- Spending time in the present
- Feeling optimistic about the future
- Good health – (e.g. high blood pressure)
- Having a good night’s sleep
I also strongly recommend that you limit social media usage and watching the news because those sources are just fuel to the worry fire.
4 Focus on things you can control
Break down your goals into smaller manageable chunks by making them SMART (Simple, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-bound). Chip away at it every day and put effort into developing a realistic routine.
For example, in my case, I have decided to look for alternative employment due to the uncertainty surrounding redundancy. I have broken this task down into smaller chunks such as:
- Signing up for job alerts
- Updating my LinkedIn profile
- Updating my CV
- Brushing up on my project management skills
- Setting up cover letter templates
- Going to networking events
- Taking online courses/in-person training
All of these things are within my control and are activities that I can focus on instead of worrying about the things outside of my control. A much better use of my time.
Here are some small activities that you can focus on during uncertain times:
- Sticking to a gym/exercise routine
- Meal prepping and/or building a healthy balanced diet
- Making the bed every day
- Tidying room regularly
- Going for a walk in the morning
- Developing a sleep routine
- Writing in a gratitude log every day
- Ramping up your self-care routine
- Journalling every day
5 Reframe the situation
Try to focus on the opportunities that this period of uncertainty presents. For example:
- This is an exciting opportunity to apply the knowledge I have learnt in CBT to manage my anxiety in this situation.
- This is the perfect time for me to use my new journal and write about how I am feeling
- I can volunteer at work to be an employee representative during redundancies
- This is practice for when life throws at me bigger changes and periods of uncertainty
- I can use this opportunity to develop a new skill that will be helpful in my career and personal development
- This experience has taught me how to build deeper relationships with other people who are going through a similar situation
- I have seen who my true friends are and I am grateful to have them in my life
- My self-care routine has improved a lot since I have started to focus on the things I can control
6 Stick to your values
Change and uncertainty will throw many curveballs your way. However, I truly believe that If you stick to your core values then you can’t go wrong because you will regain your power. You will see the bigger picture and see the challenges as minor speed bumps on your journey.
Maybe this period of uncertainty is a perfect opportunity for you to evaluate your life against your values. Firstly, you will need to Identify your values if you don’t know them already – what is your why? Mind Tools has a good post on how to identify your values.
For example, at work, this period of uncertainty has made me evaluate whether I like the new direction this company is going. Seeing first-hand how they’ve handled the communication around redundancies and restructuring shows a departure from the previous company values.
The new company objectives no longer align with my values so I know that I will be finding alternative employment regardless of the redundancy outcome. Being clear about my values has made this whole period of uncertainty manageable and relatively stress-free.
7 Use your support system
Reach out to your friends, family and community for support. Try to choose people who aren’t all doom and gloom.
Avoid those who catastrophize or escalate a situation because you don’t need any drama during this period of uncertainty. Make a conscious effort to find people who will give you a more balanced perspective and will hold space for you to feel your emotions.
For example, I love talking to my parents and grandparents when I’m faced with a big decision/period of uncertainty in my life because they have more life experience than I do and can guide me to see the bigger picture.
8 Get professional help
Sometimes the period of uncertainty is too distressing and in that situation, I strongly recommend that you seek professional help.
There is no shame in working through your thoughts and feelings with a therapist. They will help you to identify your own path by helping you filter out all of the outside noise and chaos so you can build trust in your voice.
- You can find a private therapist on Psychology Today
- If you need to talk to someone confidentially, contact Samaritans, Anxiety UK, Mind
- If you need help urgently for your mental health, but it’s not an emergency, get help from NHS 111 online or call 111
You might need practical advice from organisations such as Citizens Advice. Your local Citizens Advice center will have experts who can provide you with advice about debt, housing, benefits and legal concerns etc…
If you would like to see a real-life example of how I managed uncertainty and risk during my teenage years, check out my blog post called ‘Failing my A Level exams changed my life for the better’.