Fear of Failure vs Fear of Success: Which One Is Sabotaging You?
Did you know the fear of success can be as damaging to your goals as the fear of failure?
While they might seem like complete opposites of each other they both can sabotage your success before you even get started.
It’s not as simple as the fear of failure vs the fear of success. It’s so much deeper than that.
You might find yourself asking, Why am I afraid to fail? Or perhaps you hesitate to embrace your accomplishments, wondering if you’re actually afraid of winning. These fears often work hand in hand, creating a toxic cycle that keeps you from reaching your potential.
Working as a Mindset and Productivity Coach for perfectionists has forced me to look deeper into both of these fears for not only my clients but for myself too.
In this article, I explain both fears, help you identify which fears are holding you back and give you journal prompts to overcome them.
I also share a vulnerable story about my own fear of success so stay tuned!
What is fear of failure?
Fear of failure is being scared of not achieving your goals or meeting expectations/standards. Extreme fear of failure is also known as atychiphobia.
A study showed that 40% of people struggle with the fear of failure in their daily lives, but in particular in their careers.
For example, I was terrified of making mistakes or failing my undergraduate degree and I struggled with anxiety for many years because of it.
I constantly had racing thoughts of not being good enough, being judged by others, and being rejected by my dream job. It was overwhelming and suffocating.
I constantly went through cycles of procrastination, go-go-go and then burnout due to my fears.
Signs of Fear of Failure
Knowledge is power and increasing your self-awareness is the only way you will overcome your fear of failure.
Here are some common signs:
- You constantly procrastinate and avoid your tasks
- Overthinking and overplanning every step without taking action
- Criticising yourself over every small mistake
- You have a fixed mindset rather than a growth mindset – e.g. mistakes are evidence you are a failure rather than something you can learn from
- You struggle with anxious thoughts and low mood
- You’re always overworking and burning out
- You are a perfectionist and have unrealistically high standards for yourself
- You don’t take any risks and stay in your comfort zone
- You Avoid feedback from others because you take it personally
To get over your fear of failure you must develop a growth mindset. See your life as an experiment and view your failures as lessons rather than evidence of your worth.
Call me delusional but whenever I fail, I remind myself that I am the main character in my life and that things will work out because I have plot armour. All my failures are side quests and lessons that will make sense in hindsight.
That mindset encourages me to keep trying and not to quit when facing failure.
Besides, fear is normal.
But letting it rule your life will keep you stuck in negative cycles that rob you of your future.
Now that you recognise the signs of fear of failure, you can take intentional steps to heal from it.
What is fear of success?
I thought the fear of success was a silly concept until I experienced it. Fear of failure made sense whereas fear of success sounded like a lie told to make people feel better about themselves.
Fear of success is real.
I like to think of it as a fear of change or a fear of responsibility. The more successful you become, the more things will change in your life resulting in higher expectations, more pressure and potentially fewer people understanding you.
It can be a lonely road especially if deep down you believe you don’t deserve success. You might feel like the truth will come out soon and you will be found out as a fraud.
These are genuine fears that shouldn’t be brushed aside as ‘silly’ like I previously did.
In fact, I realised I had my own fear of having a successful business and the changes that would result from it:
As psychologist Gay Hendricks explains in The Big Leap, this phenomenon is linked to an “upper limit problem,” where we subconsciously sabotage our success to stay in our comfort zone.
At least our comfort zone is predictable even if we’re not happy in it.
Signs of Fear of Success
Since fear of success is less well-known, you might be surprised at some of these symptoms.
But the sooner you acknowledge them and give them the proper attention they deserve, you will be able to break your upper limit and reach success higher than you imagined.
Here are some of the signs:
- You self-sabotage by making silly mistakes, losing motivation when you’re close to achieving your goals or procrastinating
- You don’t believe you deserve your accomplishments
- You keep yourself small and avoid new opportunities e.g. promotions
- You don’t want to be seen as ‘too much’ and feel guilty about taking attention
- You don’t believe you are strong enough to manage the pressure and responsibilities of success
The fastest way to heal your fear of success is to practice visualisation and affirmations, Visualising success in a healthy, positive way will help you shift your perspective over time.
For example, to get over my fear of success, I visualised myself running my business with streamlined systems and processes so I wouldn’t be stressed out and overwhelmed.
I also visualised a successful life that involved more free time with my family and the freedom to travel the world. The successful version of myself has the right systems and coping strategies to deal with challenges.
Visualising this version of success chipped away at my fear and now I see success as a fun opportunity rather than a weight trapping me to my business.
What are the differences between fear of failure and fear of success?
Surprisingly, fear of failure and success are 2 sides of the same coin. The behavioural responses may appear similar despite the different triggers.
Here is a table showing the differences:
Knowing the difference between fear of failure vs fear of success will give you the tools to create a realistic action plan for your goals.
For example, if you know the fear of failure is holding you back you can practice reframing failure as a learning opportunity and treating your life like an experiment.
Whereas, if it is fear of success you can practice visualisation exercises and affirmations to picture success as a positive experience that you can handle.
Can you have a fear of failure and a fear of success at the same time?
Yes, you can experience both fears at the same time!
In fact, they can often feed into each other creating a toxic cycle of procrastination and self-sabotage.
Both fears will keep you stuck in your comfort zone.
Here are some cycles you may be familiar with:
- The perfectionism-procrastination trap: you set super high standards for yourself because you tie your self-worth to your achievements but these standards feel scary because you’re not sure if you can maintain that level
- You procrastinate to avoid the discomfort of not meeting your high standards but you also procrastinate when things are going well because you’re scared of the challenges success will bring
- You feel confused. You want success but believe you’re not deserving of it.
How can you recognise your fears?
It is tiring going through these negative cycles when you’re working towards a big goal but subconsciously keep messing up.
Self-awareness is the first step toward healing your fears and smashing your goals.
Ask yourself:
- Do I avoid taking risks because I’m afraid of failing?
- Do I stop myself when I get close to achieving something big?
- Am I afraid of both disappointing others and standing out too much?
- How will the changes associated with success impact my life?
- What cycles do I constantly find myself in when I am working on a project?
Journal prompts to help you overcome both fears
Understanding your fear of failure
- What would failure look like for me, and how would it make me feel?
- What mistakes am I most afraid of making, and why?
- Do I avoid risks or challenges because I’m afraid of falling short?
- How do I react when I don’t meet my own expectations?
Understanding your fear of success
- What does success mean to me, and what scares me about achieving it?
- Do I worry that success will change my relationships or add pressure?
- Have I ever self-sabotaged when I was close to reaching a goal? If so, why?
- Do I feel guilty or unworthy when I accomplish something big?
Identifying your negative cycles and reframing your fears
- How do I typically respond when faced with opportunities for growth?
- What beliefs about failure or success might be holding me back?
- What small step could I take today to challenge these fears?
- How can I redefine success so that I feel empowered rather than scared?
- How can I reframe failure so that I see it as part of my success journey?
So, do you have a fear of failure, a fear of success or both?
You must have a better idea about the fears holding you back. Maybe you’re so scared of failing your exams that you procrastinate and leave things to the last minute.
Or maybe you have big dreams and as soon as you get close to achieving a promotion, you self-sabotage by making a mistake.
Who knows?
But recognising your fears is the first step toward overcoming them. You can challenge your limiting beliefs and reframe your fears as opportunities for growth.
Use the journal prompts to unpack the processes going on in your mind and take one small step towards your goals today!
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