13 Subtle Signs You’re A Perfectionist And Don’t Even Know It
I didn’t know I was a perfectionist for many years and it stopped me from enjoying life to the fullest. I don’t want that for you which is why I have compiled a list of 13 signs you’re a perfectionist.
Often perfectionist traits are hailed as a good weakness to state in job interviews – everybody wants a perfectionist in their team, right? Very hard working but with a bit too much attention to detail. The perfect interview answer for the perfect hard-working person.
Wrong!
Perfectionism is not a good trait to have, at least in its maladaptive form. Perfectionism keeps you stuck repeating cycles, never feeling good enough and burning out when you have nothing left to give.
Many people don’t realise they are perfectionists until they reach rock bottom. Luckily, I’m here to help you. As a recovering perfectionist myself and a productivity coach for perfectionists, I know that self-awareness is the first step to starting your healing journey.
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1. You procrastinate
Avoidance is surprisingly a big sign that you’re a perfectionist. Perfectionists often procrastinate because they are scared they won’t be able to complete the tasks perfectly. It’s easier to click next episode on Netflix or doom-scroll on TikTok than confront the uncomfortable feeling of doing the task you’re supposed to do.
This often results in leaving work to the last minute and completing it in a mad panic nearing the deadline.
2. You struggle with all-or-nothing thinking
Perfectionists often struggle with all-or-nothing thinking (aka black-and-white thinking). You’re either successful or you’re a complete failure, there is no in-between. This toxic thinking makes it incredibly hard to see progress and celebrate achievements because if you haven’t fully ticked off your ‘success metrics’ you feel like crap.
I will hold my hand up and own up to having to correct this mindset even after spending years working on my perfectionism. It was my birthday a couple of days ago and for some reason, I was hit with a wave of sorrow about not being where I thought I’d be at that age. It was overwhelming and I wanted to hide away.
However, I had to remind myself, that I have achieved a lot in my time on this planet and I still have A LOT more life to live.
So, yeah, I get it. This all-or-nothing thinking is a tough mindset to shake.
3. You have really high standards for yourself
Your standards are just way too high and unrealistic which means you often feel dissatisfied because you don’t achieve your goals.
Don’t get me wrong, having high standards for yourself is great but perfectionists take it too far. There is a BIG difference between striving for excellence and perfectionism. You want to run before you can even crawl or walk.
For example, starting a blog and trying to learn everything from scratch in 2 weeks – that’s just not gonna happen. There is too much to learn and you need to build a solid foundation layer of knowledge before you can do the advanced stuff.
4. You tie your self-worth to your achievements
You don’t know who you are without your career, achievements or education. Your self-worth is based on the things you do and your accomplishments, to separate you from external metrics feels like an impossible task.
If you don’t meet your high expectations, your self-esteem plummets which makes it difficult to feel good about yourself outside of your achievements.
‘I’ll be good enough when I get the promotion’
‘I’ll be worthy when I get into a Russell Group or Ivy League university’
For many years, I was a ‘project manager’, I worked so hard for the title that whenever I felt like I wasn’t doing my absolute best at my job, my identity would start to crumble. It wasn’t healthy at all.
5. You have a big fear of failure
When you have a big fear of failure, you avoid taking risks or trying new things because you’re scared of things not working out. This fear can cause anxiety and limit your personal growth because you never step out of your comfort zone to pursue the things that truly make you feel alive.
For example, you don’t try anything you know you’re not going to be immediately good at. So no art classes because you won’t instantly be able to paint like Leonardo Da Vinci.
6. You don’t like asking for help
You would rather struggle in silence than reach out for help because you feel it is a sign of weakness or incompetence. Perfectionists often have the belief that they should be able to handle everything on their own even when they feel overwhelmed.
7. You hate making mistakes
You feel absolutely terrible when you make a mistake, it replays in your mind for weeks and you battle with your thoughts of not being good enough. Deep down you believe that mistakes are catastrophic and that successful people don’t make mistakes.
Instead of truly embracing a growth mindset and seeing your mistakes as part of the learning process, you see them as failures. This can fuel anxiety, rumination and/or depression.
8. You struggle to make decisions
You HATE making decisions because you’re scared of making the wrong one. It all links back to your all-or-nothing thinking and fear of failure – if you make the wrong choice, you are doomed to a life of failure and misfortune. There is no grey area in your mind.
When in reality, very few decisions are irreversible. Life is all about adaptation, course correction and leaning from mistakes.
9. You judge others
Because you have high standards for yourself, you expect others to have those same standards and most of the time that is just not the case.
I’ve often noticed that most of my clients struggle with ‘mind reading’. You believe other people should automatically know what you want or need without you having to explain.
I often hear phrases like ‘They should’ve known I wanted this’, ‘why can’t they just get it right?’ and ‘If I can do it this way, why can’t they?’ which leads to a lot of frustration and disappointment.
You might even take things personally when people don’t behave how you want them to.
Either way, your work and personal relationships suffer when you have this perfectionist mindset.
10. You struggle to delegate
You absolutely hate the idea of letting go of control – you’d much rather hold on to the very end than trust another person to do the job just as well.
It’s easier for you to take on more work than you can realistically handle just so that you can ensure everything is done your way. This often leads to cycles of go-go-go and burnout.
11. You are highly self-critical
You tend to be very harsh on yourself, constantly evaluating your performance and judging yourself against your ‘ideal self’ and other people. You never feel good enough because you KNOW there is always room for improvement. This criticism isn’t helpful or reflective, it’s completely and utterly destructive.
Over time, this intense level of self-criticism will erode your self-esteem and self-worth until you’re nothing but an empty shell of a person.
12. Resting feels unproductive
You see rest as wasted time. Why take a break when you could do some work and move the needle forward in your work and personal life? No rest for the wicked.
You’d rather half-arse a task when your mind is screaming for a break than take the damn break and do the task with a clear mind.
Make it make sense!
A lot of my work as a coach involves helping my clients have guilt-free self-care days so that they can relax and recharge their minds. BREAKS SHOULDN’T BE OPTIONAL GUYS!
13. You avoid showing vulnerability
Showing vulnerability in general is seen as the worst thing a perfectionist can do and that also includes being vulnerable with themselves.
Many perfectionists go through life with an ‘illusion of competence and control’ even though they are struggling inside. It’s a very lonely road especially when you can’t even be honest with yourself about your struggles.
For example, I thought it was normal to go through cycles of go-go-go and burnout. I blamed myself for not being strong enough to keep going and I carried a lot of shame about it. At no point did I think there was anything wrong with my work ethic because I was in denial. ‘That’s just the price of success’ I’d tell myself.
I also thought being vulnerable was a sign of weakness and a character flaw.
And I was SO WRONG. Vulnerability is one of our greatest strengths and the people who master the ability to be vulnerable are the strongest most courageous people.
Acknowledging my shortcomings in an honest non-judgemental way and asking for help saved my life. I was finally able to shed the weight of perfectionism and be my most authentic self and it wouldn’t have been possible without vulnerability.
I highly recommend you check out Brene Brown’s book ‘Daring Greatly’ if you want to start your mindset shift today.
So, are you a perfectionist?
Do any of these signs jump out to you? The first step to healing your perfectionism and taking control of your life is self-awareness.
If you notice any of yourself in this post, then congratulations you have started your healing journey! I’m so glad you’re here.
I’m not going to lie to you, healing perfectionism is not a fast thing because you have to unlearn a lot of limiting beliefs you have about success and learn how to be comfortable in uncomfortable situations.
But trust me, the journey is so worth it. More life, more happiness and more true success.
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- My First Year of Blogging – 5 Lessons Learnt From Overcoming Perfectionism
- How To Deal With Mistakes as a Perfectionist – 9 Simple Ways!
- 7 Important Boundaries Perfectionists NEED To Set Without Guilt!
- 11 perfectionist productivity myths you NEED To Let Go
- 7 Growth Mindset Myths That Keep You Stuck
- 8 Simple Steps To Be Anti-Hustle Culture And Productive
- What Is Mindful Productivity? The Cure For Hustle Culture