3 Types of Perfectionism – Which One Do You Have?
There are 3 types of perfectionism: self-oriented, others-orientated and socially-prescribed perfectionism. Knowing your type will help speed up your healing journey!
Perfectionism isn’t a one-size-fits-all characteristic since it manifests itself in many different ways depending on the individual and their motivations. In fact, I didn’t even know I was a perfectionist for many years!
I just thought I was a high achiever and that the stress I was experiencing was normal. I didn’t realise I was putting additional stress on myself by having unrealistic high standards and expectations of myself and others.
And even when I found out I was a perfectionist, I STILL thought it was a positive trait to have. Like ‘wow, I have super high standards for myself, what a noble thing’.
When in reality, perfectionism keeps you stuck and it is NOT the same as having high standards.
In this article, I’m going to explain each of the 3 types of perfectionism and give you examples and journal prompts to help you figure out which one you are.
Also, please bear with me as I write this blog post because every bone in my body wants to write ‘orientated’ instead of ‘oriented’. Fun fact: in the UK we say ‘orientated’!
What is perfectionism?
According to the American Psychological Association (APA), perfectionism is ‘the tendency to demand of others or of oneself an extremely high or even flawless level of performance, in excess of what is required by the situation.’
Simply put, you’re a perfectionist if you’re constantly striving for perfection due to your incredibly high standards. The idea of making a mistake or error is absolutely terrifying for you so you get caught up in the small details.
It’s commonly a trait that is associated with success and high achievement however that is not necessarily the truth. Many perfectionists go through cycles of go-go-go and then burnout or they spend most of their time procrastinating because of fear of failure.
There is a BIG difference between being a perfectionist and having high standards. Perfectionists’ standards are often so high that they are unrealistic given the resources available which means perfectionists are constantly disappointed and frustrated by their outcomes.
They are never enough. There is always something more to do, something more to improve. It is exhausting for themselves and others around them.
It can manifest itself in any of the 8 areas of life:
- Personal and spiritual growth
- Health and fitness
- Friends and family
- Romantic relationships
- Career and business
- Financial health
- Fun and recreation
- Physical environment
Related Post: 13 Subtle Signs You’re A Perfectionist And Don’t Even Know It
Self-Oriented Perfectionism
Self-oriented perfectionism is typically the most common type of perfectionism as it involves setting excessively high standards for yourself.
You tend to have extreme expectations and believe that anything less than perfect is unacceptable so you push yourself to work hard and try harder.
You’re the type of person who is motivated by external success metrics because you tie your self-worth to your achievements, career or education.
For example, a manager who works overtime and achieves amazing results for the company but still feels like they’re not good enough because they are fixated on minor errors.
Or a student who constantly receives firsts at uni but beats themselves up over not getting the highest marks in class.
Impact of self-oriented perfectionism:
- High achievement
- High-quality work
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Burnout
- Self-criticism
- Inability to celebrate their achievements
- Never feeling good enough
Journal prompts:
- What goals do I set for myself, and how do I feel when I don’t achieve them perfectly?
- How often do I criticise myself for making mistakes, even small ones?
- Do I find it hard to relax until everything I do meets my standards?
- When I succeed at something, do I focus on what I did wrong instead of celebrating?
Related Post: 123 Affirmations For Growth Mindset and Success
Others-Oriented Perfectionism
Others-oriented perfectionism is very similar to self-oriented except the expectations and standards are put on other people instead of themselves.
You expect A LOT from other people and can become critical or impatient when others fail to meet your expectations. You feel like you have to redo tasks yourself and babysit others because you KNOW they won’t complete the work to your incredibly high standards.
You often feel frustrated and have difficult relationships with those around you.
For example, a manager who is constantly redoing tasks their team has completed because they don’t believe the quality is good enough. They might also feel like their team doesn’t like them and they don’t fit in.
Impact of others-oriented perfectionism:
- Encourages others to improve and grow
- Sets a high standard
- Creates conflict
- Can become isolated from others
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Burnout
Journal prompts:
- Do I often feel frustrated when others don’t meet my expectations?
- How do I react when someone doesn’t do something the way I would?
- Do I find it difficult to trust others to complete tasks without my input?
- How do I handle it when someone close to me makes a mistake?
Socially Prescribed Perfectionism
Socially prescribed perfectionists believe that other people expect them to be perfect.
You constantly feel external pressure from your friends, family, colleagues (etc…) to meet rigid high standards (real or otherwise). You are much more sensitive to criticism and constantly worry about being judged by others. It is an exhausting and overwhelming experience.
You feel like you’re not good enough in other people’s eyes so you try to find ways to people-please and fit in. This means you feel disconnected from your true authentic self and personal values.
For example, a junior manager constantly feels like they are being judged by their colleagues and seniors despite producing excellent work. They avoid taking risks unless they are 100% certain they can complete it perfectly.
Impact of socially-prescribed perfectionism:
- High standards and high quality of work
- Does well in competitive environments
- Disconnected from their true self
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Burnout
Journal prompts:
- Do I often worry about what others think of me or my work?
- How much pressure do I feel to meet others’ expectations?
- Do I avoid taking risks because I’m afraid of being judged if I fail?
- How do I feel when I receive criticism or feedback from others?
How does knowing your type help you grow?
Knowledge is power and the more self-aware you become the better chance you have at living a more fulfilling life. When you recognise and understand your perfectionist tendencies, you can start the process of unlearning your toxic habits and develop coping strategies that will help you achieve your goals without the negative effects.
- For self-oriented perfectionists, you might start with practising self-compassion, and mindfulness, setting realistic goals and celebrating your achievements along the way.
- For others-oriented perfectionists, you might focus on developing empathy, and patience and learning how to effectively collaborate without taking over.
- Finally, for socially prescribed perfectionists, you might work on challenging your external expectations, internally validating yourself and communicating effectively.
When you know the type of perfectionism you’re dealing with you can tailor your healing journey to cover certain aspects rather than focusing on ‘generic’ perfectionistic traits.
You’re much more likely to see real progress quickly.
For example, my healing journey took so much longer than it needed to because 1) I had no idea I was a perfectionist, and 2) when I found out I was a perfectionist I had no idea there were 3 types of them!
I was bouncing around loads of different healing methods with no structure. Once I realised I was mainly a self-oriented perfectionist, I was able to streamline my healing journey and tackle it head-on.
So, what type of perfectionist are you?
After reading this post and answering the questions for each journal prompt, you must have a much better idea about the type of perfectionist you are.
Self-awareness is the FIRST and most important step when it comes to coping with your perfectionism and starting your healing journey. So well done for taking the leap!
There are plenty of different resources on this blog to help you manage your perfectionism so that you can still be productive but without burning out.
For example, learning how to deal with mistakes, make tough decisions, set boundaries and plenty more!
Join the community of recovering perfectionists healing from hustle-culture
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Remember, you are the ONLY person you are going to be with for your whole entire life, so you might as well invest in yourself.
Investing in yourself can be in the form of coaching, courses, reading, journaling, practising self-care and many more things.
Related Posts:
- How To Make Decisions as a Perfectionist – 10 EASY steps
- 13 Subtle Signs You’re A Perfectionist And Don’t Even Know It
- How To Deal With Mistakes as a Perfectionist – 9 Simple Ways!
- How a Perfectionism Coach Can Help You Conquer Your Goals
- The Truth About Recovery From Severe Burnout
- My First Year of Blogging – 5 Lessons Learnt From Overcoming Perfectionism
- 7 Important Boundaries Perfectionists NEED To Set Without Guilt!
- 11 perfectionist productivity myths you NEED To Let Go
- STOP Saying These 7 Toxic Perfectionist Phrases To Be Successful
- 9 Realistic Ways To Have A Guilt-Free Self-Care Day
- 8 Ways To Become A More Diligent Person (Daily Diligence Challenge)
- 55 Boundaries Journal Prompts You NEED To Use
